Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum
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This intimate memoir reveals the woman inside one of autism’s most prominent figures, Jennifer O’Toole. At the age of 35, Jennifer was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and for the first time in her life, things made sense. Now, she exposes the constant struggle between carefully crafted persona and authentic existence, editing the autism script with wit, candor, passion, and power. Her journey is one of reverse-self-discovery not only as an Aspie but – more importantly – as a thoroughly modern woman.
Beyond being a memoir, Autism in Heels is a love letter to all women. It’s a conversation starter, a game-changer, and a firsthand account of what it is to walk in Jennifer’s shoes (especially those iconic red stilettos).
Whether it’s bad perms or body image, sexuality or self-esteem, Jennifer’s journey is as much a human journey as one on the spectrum. Because autism looks a bit different in pink, most girls and women who fit the profile are not identified, facing years of avoidable anxiety, eating disorders, volatile relationships, self-harm, and stunted independence. Jennifer has been there, too. Autism in Heels takes that message mainstream.
From her own struggles and self-discovery, she has built an empire of empowerment, inspiring women the world over to realize they aren’t mistakes. They are misunderstood miracles.
Spring –
Very helpful!
This book was written in the way my brain thinks. For those without autism, the writing might sound wild. It’s very entertaining and intelligent. The writing itself with the story helped me identify my own autism.
C. Hall –
Great Insight if you can Keep up with her.
I read this book about 6 months ago. It exposed me to the idea that autism encompassed much more than I had ever imagined. It did take me awhile to complete the reading. I had to read a bit, put the book down for awhile and resume later, doing this quite a few times. For me, my biggest problem was that the author is significantly beyond me intellectually (I don’t consider myself a dummy). Her writing style and word usage was not always easy for me to comprehend. But I did persevere and eventually reached completion. Finally, considering all that I had read, it occurred to me that I had known quite a few people ‘on the spectrum.’ Only, it never seemed obvious what was actually going on. Now I see that many people are afflicted by the many degrees of autism. My grateful thanks to this gorgeous woman for educating me about this issue. All in all, an excellent book.
kre8tvtee –
Who knew this was a treasure chest!
Although I was a nurse who loved the psych side of caring for patients during my career, I never gave much thought to autism until we ‘acquired’ our oldest grandson by adoption. Even though this book is about how the author described her own autistic life and how she has dealt with the diagnosis when she was labeled at the “old” age of 32, most of the information crosses the gender line. Bullying is the same for anyone who is misunderstood and mistreated by their peers.The book is easy to read and easily understood. Gives wonderful insight into why autistic people shun those who don’t try to understand this confounding subject. One line that stood out for me in the book was the same line that lost our grandson his first job at age 21: “They are just setting me up for failure”. No wonder spectrum people like the friends on computers rather than trying to find real life friends! He quit that job with that same departing statement when his manager asked him to do a job and the owner, a moment later, told him to do another job.. It took him three more jobs in the next five years to find out that he really does have to tell the employer that he is on the spectrum and lots of prayers that his disability is understood. Life on the spectrum really is hard for everyone and the more understanding about spectrum people that can be shared, the better life is for all.Grandson recently married a beautiful spectrum girl who was homeschooled and I hope they can support each other in their combined effort at happiness. I bought her mom the book and also sent our new granddaughter-in-law the book for teenage girls on the spectrum. I know she will enjoy that read as much as I enjoyed Autism in Heels. Jennifer O’Toole wrote the best down-to-earth medical resource I’ve read to date and I sincerely thank her for that. Lots more subjects grandson and I can discuss, which in itself is a big help too. All three of them are reading and liking both books.
Mary –
Amazing and insightful
This is by far one of the best books I have read in a long time. The woman is a natural storyteller and is able to draw you into her world and make you understand what it is like to be her. It opened my eyes to so many things around me. Truly an amazing read. I cant wait to read more from her. I think it is interesting that this is more of a new diagnosis. And really, does it need a label? I love the neurotyhpicals and neuroatypical approach. It is so true. How difficult to navigate society when things are so easily misinterpreted, on both sides of the message.
Ravenous Reader –
Good info, but author has a narrow point of view. Too much self-comparison vs viable information.
Interesting and informative, yet the author tends to over generalize some ASD traits with an “always or never” viewpoint. As a special needs teacher who has taught hundreds of boys and girls on the spectrum AND proud mom of an Aspie, I find this disinformation both insulting and problematic for those who will take it at face value. Those with ASD vary as much as any spectrum of behaviors…not all are “mindblind” when it comes to considering the emotions, experiences, and viewpoints of others. My own Aspie is a sarcastic, empathetic, and outgoing young man who may not always intuit every nuance or cause of other’s reactions, but he is very self-aware and actively works with myself and a good friend to fine tune his social interactions.Ms. O’Toole, every child I have worked with on the spectrum is as diverse and individual as any other human. “Spectrumites” (I like the term!) have more in common with us neurotypicalites than differences. The capacity for love, concern, affection, empathy and compassion in even the most severe of my students is their greatest similarity, though they communicate it in different ways. Although I recognize and commend your expertise, it is but one point of view…yours.
Rebecca Durbin –
So helpful to understand the non-neurotypical people in your life
This book was almost literally a life-saver. I bought it at a difficult time in the life of someone close to me, and being able to understand her and her autism from the inside (or at least able to understand it more) was invaluable. I’ve recommended this to several other people I know!
Julia_Warder –
Picked it up on a whim, ended up carrying me over
The book is quite engaging. I picked it up on a whim, to which, I’m glad I did. She presents a personal narrative of life as a woman on the spectrum. The feelings of isolation, lack of perspective, and loss are palpable along with a message of hope. It balances how others can get it so wrong in your life, while it feels good to finally get it so right. I really like the fact she is more of a “traditional” female. It takes all kinds, but it is nice to see people like Temple Grandin and Jenny to show that there is a wide variety of women on the spectrum snd that’s okay.
Missjane –
Really enjoyed this book.it was able to shed so much light on people on the autism spectrum especially women
Schreibtischbesitzer –
Mein Buchexemplar kam an und ich war sehr enttäuscht, weil die Papierqualität sehr schlecht ist, sehr dünnes dunkles Papier und der Druck selber ist sehr unsauber, an manchen Stellen sehr blass und teilweise verschmiert.Für den Preis ist das unangemessen.
Maria –
I devoured ‘Autism in Heels’ in just two days and highly recommend it to anyone eager to gain insights into high-functioning Autism and Asperger’s – a truly enlightening read! I myself am on spectrum along with my two teenage daughters. I was able to relate everything in the book.
Mrs Thrifty –
Jennifer has written an autobiography which has universal appeal. It isn’t just about her Autism but also covers a‘Neurotypical’ angle with a human view of both sides of opinion/understanding so you see how complicated and confusing perception and communication can be. I found the book inciteful, useful and thought provoking. Jennifer has covered subjects and experiences with such honesty that this book can’t fail to add value to your Autism education and understanding, in fact, it gives you a bigger view of why people behave in different ways. I have taken my time over Jennifer’s story, not rushed the read and have let it sink in to my head. It’s a powerful book, full of the highs and lows of everyday life. It is also incredibly brave. I feel very fortunate to have met Jennifer and listened to a keynote speech she gave in Oxford. Jennifer mentions the bravest boy in England, in her book, who happens to be my son. He may have suck in her head, but Jennifer’s input with him that day proved to be life changing for us all, giving us all more hope, thankfully, for the future. The value of educating the world in Autism, disability, anxiety should not be underestimated. Jennifer certainly does that. She bravely educates and shares her knowledge, experiences and creates a much better understanding.
E. K. Saunders –
It goes without saying this book was exceptionally well written. One would expect nothing less from a woman who is, at various turns a perfectionist, grammar enthusiast, and intellectual genius. What was unexpected was the candour and heart with which she describes her personal journey not only to survive, but ultimately to thrive in a world both foreign and hostile to those with ASD.My hope is that O’Toole’s insightful rendering of what it is like for an autistic to endure the hypocrisies, guile, and fraudulence of a social world made by and for neurotypicals will, once and for all, compel us to dispense with the notion that one ought to feel lucky to be a “high functioning” autistic. Quite the contrary, as O’Toole poignantly narrates.Imagine being intelligent enough to vastly exceed your neurotypicals where cognitive performance matters, unaware of why you are loathed for your talents by peers, but unable to sort out how to direct the enormous cognitive abilities to the task of securing a safe place to exist in the social pecking order – an absolute necessity for our feelings of contentment and well being. Imagine lacking the social or emotional acuity to protect oneself from the psychologically traumatizing crosshairs of interpersonal relationships that invite domestic violence into your life, or leave emotional injuries that fuel anxiety, depression, addictions, or self harm as avenues to help the cope. Such is the reality for many autistic women.The greatest service in O’Toole’s revelations of the psychologically eviscerating experiences of her past is to bring hope and insight to the legions of undiagnosed autistic women beating themselves up for a lifetime of struggles because they possessed a beautifully unique mind they were unaware of. Hopefully they will abandon their feelings of being broken and flawed and instead realize their struggles were rooted in the fact they were never acknowledged and recognized for who they really were; never received the guidance, encouragement, and support to flourish on their own terms along a path of their own choosing that is compatible with their neurodivergent minds.